GEN-Y Identity Crisis

For GEN-Y, we find ourselves in an identity crisis. For us 20-somethings a few years ago we were still in high school; defined by our peers on who we were. Some of us were labeled as jocks, some of us were nerds, and some of us were loners. Whether class clowns or goody-two-shoes, we had an identity; an identity that was almost impossible to break out of until we graduated. In college we were supposed to have time to search for that identity, and discover who we were. However, once again we found ourselves defined as bros, sororstitutes, hipsters, or GDI’s. Each with an identity that was frowned upon by other groups. Even within groups there were subgroups, like the “hot sorority”, or the “party frat”. College was supposed to be a time of self discovery, with unlimited opportunities to discover who you really are, but stereotypes got in the way.

As we graduated college and found ourselves in the real world, a lot of us still were lacking an identity. Now, it may seem like we are a generation of identity procrastinators. We avoid becoming who we really are, to be what others want us to be. However, I do not think we are intentionally procrastinating. Most of us adapt to our surroundings in the best way we can. We don’t fully choose an identity, because we think there are dire consequences. Once an identity is chosen, you will make people mad, people will not like you, and usually there is no going back. If we put off choosing an identity, or all choose the same identity, then we will be able to not feel alone in this cruel world. Loneliness is feared way more than a lack of identity.

But how can the generation that is so open to differences be conforming? Why do we hide our personalities over just telling people who we really are? The struggle is 100% internal. Most people won’t judge you for who you are, but internally we think “what if they do”.

“What if they don’t like who I am?” is the dumbest question to internally ask yourself. If they don’t like who you really are, then why waste your time trying to be their friend? We need to stop hiding behind our own insecurities to become the powerful generation we say we are.

Let’s stop hiding. Let’s make being individualistic the cool thing to do, and empower those who think they need to conform by letting them know that who they are is good enough. For everyone who is still identity searching, continue to search. Self-awareness and self-confidence are two of the most internally empowering things you can achieve. It is a long journey figuring out who you really are, but it is a journey that is well worth it.

Introversion and First Impressions

First impressions have been something I have struggled with my entire life. Most people I am friends with have had different experiences when they first met me. My introverted friends have explained me as awkward. I try to start a conversation, but usually I say strange or weird things. Some introverts see me as judging them, as I am an over-analytical person. My extroverted friends on the other hand have described me as rude, ignorant and outright mean. It’s hard to hear that a majority of the people meet, do not have good memories of our first interaction. I am building myself into a hole before I can even get to know people.

The truth is there are a lot of things going on when I first meet somebody. You see, I am an introvert. I am not good at meeting new people, because I do not like to talk, I am easily overstimulated, and I hate being the center of attention. Let me take you through a couple examples.

1.) The job interview

The job interview is typically a difficult experience for most people. There is usually a lot on the line, and there is a high level of stress. I enter the room where the interview takes place. Typically this is at a place I am not familiar with. This instantly triggers my need to become familiar with my surroundings. From the outside world, I already look uninterested. The interview starts, and of course I am the center of attention. I hate talking about myself, but in this professional setting, I am forced to. After all a job is on the line! I continually answer questions as the are fired at me with short concise responses . Now not only am I seen as uninterested, but I have under emphasized my abilities and experiences. The interview ends and then I am asked if I have any questions? The truth is yes, I have a lot of questions. Like why is that clock on the wall 5 minutes fast? Why did interviewer one ask 5 questions and interviewer two only ask 2 questions? Where am I? What do you guys think of me? However, these questions are inappropriate.

Two weeks later I get an email. Holding on hope for a whole two weeks that maybe I did well, but the result is usually the same. We are sorry, but we have decided to go another way and good luck with your job search. This happens quite frequently, and I wonder how much my introversion has to do with it. It has even happened with jobs I am overqualified for. The only times I have been hired is when a project is part of the interview process, and I let my work does the talking.

2.) The Social Setting

My friends ask me to go out! Sure that sounds wonderful, but I am comfy and at home and don’t want to be social. However, I should see my friends so I go out. I meet my friends and we enter a room with a lot of people. People are dancing, and the music is so loud I can’t even hear myself think. My friends goof around and have a good time, while I find a wall to lean against and observe. I try to talk to the people next to me, to be friendly, but the conversation doesn’t go smoothly. Social situations apparently aren’t the best time to talk about school or work or family. Usually people are trying to forget about these things! I ask a few questions before the person turns away like I am some weirdo. So I change my strategy, I’ll goof around like my friends, but it is unnatural for me. I am awkward and after awhile I don’t want to talk to anybody. From this point on, people see me as mean. We leave and the next day my friends can’t stop talking about how much fun they had. I just think I’m glad that’s over.

Introversion is a personality trait that is hard to change, but American society continues to try to change me. The truth is I like who I am, but I have such a hard time connecting with others. My introversion seems to affect my first impressions. I hate when people tell me that their first impression of me was not a good one, because usually I had no idea I was being rude, or awkward or uninterested. Introversion is not a bad thing, but I really affects me on a day to day basis. I feel for my fellow introverts. Keep trying, and when you see another introvert, don’t be so quick to judge. The truth is they are just like you.